Movie Review: Repo!

by Becca L.

I’m sure those of you who heard of it were all very excited when Repo! came to DVD. Knowing that “rock opera” is the socially acceptable way of saying “musical”, I could hardly contain myself. Sure, it has Paris Hilton in it, but it also has Sarah Brightman, and she wouldn’t do anything that bad, would she? And it’s the “Genetic Opera”, that’s gotta be fun! It was not.

What it lacked in plot it also lacked in wit, music, talent, direction, and gore. I’m sure many will be sickened by the gore, but I expected much more from the director of the Saw saga. I’ve seen you drown a guy in pig guts, I know you can do better than this. I am a firm believer that the odd musical number can save anything. Here I am proven wrong. If anything, the idiotic lyrics to the songs killed what could have been a semi-decent horror film.

The concept was there. In a future where organ failure is the norm, people can get body parts replaced now, pay later. The catch being that if they fail to make their payments, whatever part they have from GeneCo will be repossessed. In comes the Repoman, scalpel flashing as he removes whatever barcoded body part you forgot to pay for. Of course, his sickly daughter must never know, the strain would kill her! But what’s this? It appears Daddy’s little girl has been on some late night excursions of her own. In a mindnumbingly predictable ending which I’ll be kind enough not to give away, blood is spilled, tears are shed, lives are lost, and the creepy, yet somehow hot, narrator takes us out.

Paris Hilton is laughable as a gothic version of herself, Sarah Brightman shames the stage she once worked on, and Alexa Vega (the girl from Spy Kids) cannot dance to save your life. The next time the man at Blockbuster tells you something is a horrible movie, listen. Learn from my mistakes, dear readers, and perhaps you will not live through the horrors I have.